For Beginner Boundary-Setters
April 20, 2016
April :||: The Month that Was
May 4, 2016

This is Not the Last Thing You’re Ever Going to Love.

There’s this terrible-but-endearing movie called “Someone Like You” starring Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman, and it’s about this woman that channels her heartbreak over a breakup into an anthropological theory about how men can’t be monogamous.

It’s available on Netflix and I think Amazon Prime, if you want to watch it. I wish they had just made a movie about Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman being roommates. I’d probably watch five seasons of that. But alas, they added other people like Greg Kinnear and Ellen Barkin. Oh well.

Anyway, the best part comes about an hour and fifteen minutes in, when Ashley Judd’s ex has gone back to his original girlfriend, and she’s heartbroken and mad and hates all men and is clinging to the theory she made up, when really she wants her ex to prove her wrong and be monogamous with her.

So she’s mad and arguing with Hugh Jackman and crying and sniffling, and Hugh sits next to her on the bed and says,

I’m looking at you. And you’re beautiful. Hey, you are beautiful. You’re intelligent, and real…. and Ray is not the last man you’re ever gonna love. I promise you he’s not.

And it’s the most tender, heartfelt moment. It makes the whole movie worth watching.

I want to say that to you. Because it’s hard to quit things, and give up on what you thought you wanted.

Maybe you thought you found your dream career, and you followed your passion, you put a lot of time and money and attention into it, and people associate you with that pursuit, and you’re realizing… it’s just not right for you anymore.

Maybe you thought you found the romantic relationship that was going to last… and it ended.

Maybe you really love where you’ve been living, and you have a community that supports you and wants you… and it’s not your place.

Maybe someone you loved with your whole heart… died. They went where you can’t follow.

It feels like death, to give these things up.

Your feelings were real and true.

And that sister life, where you lived happily ever after with the career you thought you wanted and the person you thought was your soulmate and with all your loved ones staying alive for longer, that sister life was important and beautiful and not yours.

And this is not the last thing you’re ever going to love. I promise you it’s not.