9f4230d9cf8e455b3e94ddb70ac330ee
Internet Inspiration – December 20, 2013
December 20, 2013
Internet Inspiration – January 3, 2014
January 3, 2014

My 2014 Resolution

my-2014-resolution

Hi friends,

I missed you while I was away! I only brought my phone to Nigeria, and because you read this blog you’ve probably noticed that I’m not really into writing short posts. The mobile device is not really the best tool for me to use.

So it’s the new year, yesterday was also a New Moon (in practical, goal-oriented Capricorn of all signs. Very auspicious.) and I have themes and resolutions for this coming year. Do you?

I’ll admit, I filled out probably 5 different workbooks trying to plan out this year (my favorite is still the Unravelling workbook. Every year it’s still my fave). As I was writing, I kept returning to the same phrase, inspired by this post: Turning Pro.

The author of that piece gives a few examples for gym owners, which I really liked reading. But I loved most when he said:

Turning Pro is a conscious decision to no longer behave as an amateur.

Yes. As I look back on my 2013, I had a ton of goals, but all of those goals kind of ignored the person I was at the time, and all the stuff I needed to process. I was focused on false-positive and external measures of success. If I have the perfect diet, I’ll be the perfect person. If I weigh the perfect amount, I’ll be happy. If I find the perfect man, I’ll be a complete, “successful” woman.

But 2013 turned out to be all about Paradox. And my Patron Saint was Kali.

Paradox:

beyond belief; the non-contradictory nature of contradictions; the hidden architecture of the Universe where opposites flow into each other.

  • I want to be alone all the time AND I want to date pretty much every man I see walking down the street.
  • My body is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on AND there are aspects of it that I want to change.
  • I want to have the best CrossFit gym in the entire world, I want it to pull in six figures a month AND I really like class sizes of 10 or fewer and working from home.
  • I’m not supposed to, but I have a deep, abiding respect and love for my experiences with depression. AND I don’t want it to rule my life.

I couldn’t figure out how to manage the tension of wanting all these things. So I kind of slipped into inaction on some of them, like the monkey that won’t let go of the object in order to release his hand from the trap. In the face of the Unknown, I just held the heck on to whatever I could grab, whatever used to work.

I didn’t trust myself enough to try something new. I kept searching for an external solution.

Kali needed to chop off my head to open my heart. I’m still recovering. She’s still chopping. So many of my paradigms are falling away, trying to get to my center, which is maybe my soul. I’m not sure yet.

2014 is the year of Turning Pro.

And that means two things:

1) I am Radically Pro-Kathryn.

I don’t rely on depression and overwhelm to get me a rest day. I’m a Pro. I schedule it in.

I don’t force myself to adhere to a schedule that doesn’t serve me. I’m a Pro.

I unfollow the sh*t out of negative, whiny, demeaning people on social media. I’m a Pro.

I don’t have to justify my preferences. I’m a Pro.

I go to therapy. I’m a Pro.

I don’t put conditions on self-love. My Future Self may be completely different or completely the same. I love her equally, and I love myself as much now as I will then. I’m a Pro.

2) My real job is that I’m a Professional Human Being.

I don’t define myself by reacting to Other People’s Stuff. I’m a Pro.

I embrace My Stuff. I’m a Pro.

If I have habits and patterns that don’t really make sense or serve me, I inquire lovingly (read: without judgment) and get to the bottom of it. I’m a Pro.

I’m a writer. That’s what I do. I am not confused. I’m a Pro.

I don’t shrink to make other people feel more secure around me. I’m a Pro.

You get the idea.

There are other guiding words and principles for my 2014, and a bunch of little, more tangible goals I have for myself and my businesses, but Turning Pro is officially my theme for the year. All of my actions will flow from this point.

One of the questions I love from the Unravelling workbook is,

If you lived and breathed your Word every day in 2014, what would be different for you?

My answer:

Everything I did would be deliberate, mindful, inherently legitimate, and in service of my highest goals. I wouldn’t wait until I was overwhelmed to take a break. I’d eat food that truly nourishes my body, mind, soul, and environment. I wouldn’t shrink into roles that have been created for me; I’d be in my own power, able to look at the world free from projections and unconsciousness.

What are you looking forward to in 2014? If this resonates with you, I’m interested to hear your declarations. If you’re not feeling the phrase “I’m a Pro,” you could also try ending each declaration with Dammit!

I don’t shrink to make other people feel more secure, dammit!

I drink coffee and whiskey and eat chocolate, dammit!

I only want to follow positive people, dammit!

I’m just not a morning person, dammit!

I am not broken, and I don’t need to be fixed, dammit!

Sometimes that’s even more satisfying 🙂 I can’t wait to see what 2014 holds for all of us.