Internet Inspiration – August 28, 2015

8.28.2015

:: Image via Jessica Swift ::

hr

So it looks like I inadvertently took an August Break, despite my initial thoughts for this month. I think I needed it (note to self: please schedule a vacation and don’t wait till you fall into one by accident). Make sure we’re friends on Instagram or Facebook (or both!) so you can see my posts from #augustbreak2015.

hr
I love this entire blog, and especially this article for women on letting other people have their own emotional experience. It is not your responsibility to feel things for other people.

You’re not being a “bad person” when you refuse to carry the emotional weight for others.

We’ve been taught to pride ourselves on the levels of our endurance to bear the responsibility for the emotional aspects of our relationships.  The willingness to put up with it is rooted in a sense of scarcity; the notion that the crumbs we’re receiving are the best we can get.

It’s possible to love and be loved from a place of fullness, not deprivation.

As we learn to mother ourselves, over time, we become our own primary source of love. As we do this, our outer relationships begin to reflect the inner safety we’ve already created in ourselves. It has to happen on this inside first, then it happens on the outside.

There is nothing like being loved by someone who is already “full from within,” who has no agenda and nothing to extract from you to “feed” themselves.

Someone recommended this article to me, where athletes talk about their body image. I liked it, and I recommend it, but there’s something about the whole discussion that still feels defensive to me, and where I really want to see this movement go is away from defense and into reality. I want to write more on this topic, but honestly the most refreshing body image post I’ve read recently came from a clothing review on someone’s personal blog.

Notice the difference between the waist and hip measurements on the large size. Most strength athlete ladies I know have a much higher waist to hip difference. My booty is nearly 10 inches bigger in diameter.

So I moved on.

I love this. There’s so much sovereignty in that passage; it just notes that these shorts are somewhat separated from reality and moves on. The clothing company isn’t wrong, her body isn’t wrong, it’s just not a good fit. It’s not a Right Purchase for her. More of this please.

30 people who achieved success after 30. The most uplifting thing I read all week.

hr

Internet Inspiration – August 21, 2015

8.21.2015

:: Image via NoKnots ::

hr

23 emotions we all feel that we didn’t know the names for. Thank you.

I can’t stop rereading this True Story of Medusa. Amazing. And it’s especially helpful, because I usually regard Medusa in her negative form, as something that’s going to turn me to stone (so I’d better be perfect when that happens!). I loved this alternate perspective.

To look upon me was to turn to stone,
for no mortal can withstand the direct gaze of divinity.
Once again Athena’s jealousy was enraged
and she ordered my death.
Having created me, she needed me slain.

I think I need this shirt.

Another example of how the Bechdel test is a hilariously low bar.

We are at the part of the argument where I realize I’m wrong.

Upon realizing that I am totally wrong and you are totally right, I guess I only have one option: double the fuck down.

hr

Talk to Me

talk to me

:: Image via The Good Vibe ::

hr

This is what I want to tell women when they’re speaking. So just for this week, would you be willing to try this paradigm on for size?

I understand exactly what you’re saying.

It makes perfect sense.

You’re so insightful.

If I need clarification, I’ll ask.

Not only do I understand what you’re saying, I can see the beauty in your heart. I know you’re not trying to offend me. I know you’re speaking from love.

I also want to hear what you’re thinking. I want you to speak. Your thoughts and insight are valuable to me and to the rest of the world.

hr

I wonder if you could trust the world this much this week.

Could you speak, even if you need to speak in spirals rather than a straight line?

Could you speak without qualifying your thoughts? Could you drop the “sorry,” “just,” “… if that makes any sense,” and “do you know what I mean?”

I know what you mean.

If you trusted me, what would you say?

I hear you. I see you. I trust you. I’m glad for you.

xo

hr

Internet Inspiration – July 31, 2015

7.31.2015

:: Image via The Great Fitness Experiment ::

hr

Over the weekend I took myself on a little Artist’s Date (as part of the Artist’s Way protocol, which I highly recommend to everyone) to see Amy and Trainwreck. Polar opposite Amys! Or maybe Amy Squared.

Anyway, this is a good overview of the “postfeminist” stuff going on in the movie Trainwreck. I don’t know. I read this article before I saw the movie and really liked what I was reading but I didn’t really get any of that in the movie. I didn’t get the sense that Amy’s reform in the movie was conscious in any way. I didn’t get that she realized how she was numbing out from life and disposed of those behaviors. I still read it a lot as, “I want to be with this guy and I’ll do whatever it takes, including giving up my vices.” So perhaps it’s an unconscious growth, but I prefer consciousness. In fact, Amy’s sister is the real heroine for me: she is whole and sovereign in her life, doesn’t allow Amy to speak to her in a condescending way, and delivers the most wonderful line in support of the outfit her son chose one day, “That’s what the inside of his heart looks like today. Be nice.”

Regarding the Amy Winehouse documentary, it was heartbreaking, to be honest. I hadn’t listened to a lot of Amy’s earlier albums, so it was nice to see those. Russell Brand, who has always written eloquently about Amy and addiction, posted this amazing thing on facebook.

We’re told that everybody’s special but not everybody’s specialness can be mined and sold. My hope is that the wound we collectively feel may be our salvation. That we share this pain and that will be our redemption.

hr

The Holy Yes.

Our Holy Yes summons our intelligence to learn new skills, our creative genius to lead the way. It calls on our willingness to live true stories and abandon hollow tales. Our deep devotion feeds our determination to do the work, to build that boat, to cross that sea, to give ourselves, body and soul, to the task at hand.

If you get dumped, it is safe and necessary to be honest about how you’re feeling. Grieve. Get help.

… so many aspects of all the things that I tried helped, but the most signifigant plan to start me on the road to recovery was honesty. It was free, not sold at any new age book store, no registration fee, never once featured on “Super Soul Sunday” and it did not have its own Instagram account.

Why was this so helpful? Well I had been living a lie for such a long time about the misery of my relationship that I suddenly couldn’t lie anymore once it ended. Many people would consider this to be a union made in codependent heaven, but I felt like somehow my agreement to my boyfriend was to never say anything negative about him no matter what he did because the facade of our happy life would be over. Everyone would have seen that there was no Wizard of OZ. There were just two unhappy people not talking to each other at night while “Law and Order” played in the background. Gross, right?

I decided this week that I need to spend less time on social media. I’m not sure yet what that will look like, but it was a hard week for news. The newest stressor for me was the crucifixion of the man who shot Cecil the Lion in Zimbabwe. There’s a lot going on there, and I’m not trying to excuse the killing, but the international public shaming is hard to watch. I just don’t see how it’s a constructive way to create a better society. So I offer this eloquent talk on the price of shame from Monica Lewinsky.

We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression. We all want to be heard, but let’s acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention.

I love these suggestions from Amy Poehler about how to respond to rude people.

This is the part where you apologize to me. You guys screwed up and this is where you make me feel better about it.

Lavender is my favorite flower to eat. And this tart makes me want to bake.

Loved this list of sexiest works of art. I don’t think I realized classic art could be so erotic.

Today is a blue moon and my mom’s birthday! Here’s some notes on the energy of this blue moon.

hr

You Aren’t Stupid Enough for This

you aren't stupid enough for this

:: Image via ManRepeller ::

hr

I want to introduce a small turnaround.

All those things you’ve been doing wrong? All the ways you’re a failure, you’re stupid, you’re a willpower weakling, you should be able to do something but you can’t.

It might not be that you’re stupid.

In fact, you might not be stupid enough.

I said this to someone else a few weeks ago when she was in the throes of frustration, but it’s turned into a true gift to me.

It’s pretty much the exact opposite of what my brain might come up with on its own (especially when Bitch Boss is in charge).

Actually, when I say this sort of thing to myself, my brain is kind of flabbergasted and can’t figure out a counterargument quickly. That delay, that little space, gives me some time to extricate myself from the sneaky hate spiral.

My value is not determined by the stuff I can control.

In fact, it’s possible that everything in the entire world might not be my fault.

Not only mine, anyway.

It’s possible I need to be a little more of what I don’t want to be (or what I’m not supposed to want to be).

Maybe I need to be a little more stupid. Maybe I need to be a little bit more inconsiderate, or whiny, or childlike. Maybe I need to make demands on people the way they make demands on me.

What if? What if?

hr

Here’s a conversation I had during Morning Pages:

So I’m feeling disappointed, I’m feeling vulnerable because [X] will see what I’m doing, I feel stupid for not anticipating this. And I feel like I’m back at square 1.

Oof. Oof. Oof.

What do you need, baby girl?

I want to eat. Bigtime. I hate having to rely on people. I feel really defensive about my tiny, sweet thing. I’m afraid this whole thing won’t work and it’ll mean something about me. That I don’t work. That I’ll never work or be successful.

I need unconditional love and positive regard. I need to have space to not have answers yet. I need space for my tiny sweet project. I need a safe space for all the hopes and dreams I have associated with this dream.

You have it, baby girl. Show me your desires. I’ll hold you open.

I want to be legitimate. I want to make money. I want respect and for people to not roll their eyes at me and how quirky I am.

I want to not exaggerate these qualities in defense.

What will it take for me to regard myself this way? Why can’t I give this to myself? Why do I take things so personally?

Baby girl, there are a lot of good reasons. Your body and mind are so smart. They adapted so well. You’re not stupid enough, as you wrote today :) You remember what happened when you put yourself out there before. Your safety is the most important thing, and your body is so sophisticated at protecting you. Real change happens at the level of the gesture. It’s you doing one single thing different than you did before. Maybe that’s you trusting that [X] really respects you and holds you in high regard because you’re the yin to his yang, and not in spite of it. Maybe that’s you getting back into the dieting world by auditing [Y]’s experience and keeping yourself outside of all those safety issues about check-ins and diets and measurements and shoulds. Perhaps [Y] can be the bridge for you.

hr

I want to offer this to you, because if you’re coming here with an emotional eating issue, it’s not about food. It was never about food. So when your unwanted food habits keep showing up, it’s not about the food. It’s about your safety and your emotional needs.

There was a really good reason you turned to food in the first place. It was a smart coping mechanism.

And you’re not stupid enough to forget that.

You’re not stupid enough to forget all the times you got in trouble for making a mistake, all the ways you received love for doing things perfectly.

You’re not stupid enough to think that making big life decisions isn’t a big deal, that you can proceed casually from one thing to the next, as though there are no consequences to your actions.

You aren’t stupid enough to forget that sometimes silence is safety.

You aren’t stupid enough to make a complete turnaround on your first time, because we’re unraveling years and years of patterns, many of which you’re not even aware of until you start doing the work.

So if you mess up and start berating yourself, your highest priority is to stop that sneaky hate spiral.

Give yourself the legitimacy of being a smart person who did the best they could. The reason you’re wanting to change these patterns is because they’re no longer you, but they’re still ingrained enough to be automatic.

Changing them is slow, patient work. It happens one gesture at a time.

xo

hr